Plots: Serious, silly, random, oh my!

[DeBunny]

[Over the Mountains...]

The cookie-rat finally stops floating, landing lightly on its back feet. At this point it gives a sharp shake and flings crumbs every which way, revealing the perfectly normal rat beneath.
Well. Normal if you ignore the big hat, irritatedly intelligent glint in its eyes, and the hands-on-hips pose it's doing.
"It doesn't make me feel better at all, thanks. Also wow I can tell you're new at this, dumb dumb. Don't apologize to a fairy."
And then a pointed little claw towards the cookie.

"And you couldn't pay me enough to eat that cursed cookie. You promised a cush job, so if you will get over here and shake what little of my paw your gigantarex mitts can hold, we'll deal on that. Jeez, your teacher should have told you to only bust out the scary stuff when it goes wrong."

[Keeper]

Over the Mountains…

”Oh stop, we’re partners now. And I’ve only gained a few pounds the last week, really. Maybe thirty once Granny’s magic started flowing. And she did give me a few alternate plans…” He doesn’t really reveal that the backup plan was to trick the rat into getting close to the oven to toss him in and trap him for further negotiations.

Rowan steps up and gives the rat’s paw a vigorous shake, though he rolls his eyes at the comment. He’s still not sure why this spirit is convinced he’s…he's….
The rat cookie he made was a lot bigger than this. And his hands definitely weren’t…weren't…
pop
There is a feeling of finality as the hand shake binds the fey and the witch together in a pact. Through agreement and Granny’s magic, they are bound til death or banishment.
At the same time, Rowan’s little charm sloughs off of him, and he is suddenly aware of several things his attention had been glazing over. Like Cornelius’ giant kitchen being fit perfectly for him. Like his entire body being covered in soft blue scales. The feeling of the wings on his back and the full-size tail under them. The fact that his clothes under his apron tore and fell off an hour ago. The blue snout in the front of his vision. His hands being giant mitts (which have eliminated the need for proper oven mitts). And all of the mass he’s been cheerily carrying around.

The fey rat will find itself momentarily forgotten as Rowan tromps over to the slop sink to stare into the mirror with a groan.
The worst part? He can’t help but feel like Granny did this on purpose. Because despite the size disparity, he can now see a distinct family resemblance in his new face with the little Kobold who spoke to him.
”Granny your magic made me, made me… a joke. I look like a joke! I’m everything he said. Why does being good at making pies require being a chonkasaurus?” Oh no Rowan don’t give your familiar ammo.

Alas, Granny probably hung up the oven “call” as soon as Rowan clearly had things in paw. His new familiar is his only company now.

Speaking of, you have been bound to a dragon for fifteen seconds and it already looks like he’s going to cry. What do you do?

[DeBunny]

[Over the Mountains...]

"Hey, 'boss', the nicknames are my job. Stop scooting in on my territory. Though chonkasaurus is pretty good."
The little rat has scurried a short distance away from Rowan, to watch his looming mental breakdown.

Though halfway through pulling a notepad out of somewhere, to presumably take a note of the name, it pauses.
"Granny? Uh oh."
The notepad is put away and he makes an effort to go over, clamber up Rowan's scales, and start patting the cartoonish dragon on the side of the face.
"Look at it this way, boss. You're going to be great with kids."

That's arguably an attempt at comfort?

[Keeper]

Over the Mountains...

"It's like...I also feel more like ME than ever. So...if I look like a joke, what does that say about me?"
Rowan's warm fuzzy feeling hasn't gone away just because he's not being subconsciously told not to worry about it. He still feels like he's become the most Him version of himself. It's just that the implications are rather unsettling.
"You didn't tell me what you want me to call you. But uh, you know Granny? Your first job as my familiar is to tell me when people mess with my head. This is the second time Granny's messed with my head so I don't worry about stuff I should be worrying about."
He will undoubtedly be told just how far in the deep end he's thrown himself.

Rowan sighs and starts cleaning up the mess of the cookie crumbs and the unused magical muffin. He'd already cleaned up everything else while they were baking, including putting Frank's brownies into a bag and putting everything from his pockets into his apron pockets.
"How bad is it, really?"

[DeBunny]

[Over the Mountains...]

"Eh, life's one big joke most of the time. Not really work fretting over. I'm a rat in a hat, boss."
How is that also not a joke?

He shrugs and proceeds to not help at all with the mess-cleaning. Just watches from slightly off to the side, trying to look as important as a rat in a hat can.
"I guess I better just embrace this myself. If you're gonna be the chonkasaur, I'll just be Ratticus."
This is probably a bad precedent to set.

Then, an actual task to do.
Ratticus(?) peers at Rowan's head for a minute, sagely rubbing some of his whiskers.
"Well, the good news is that you seem mostly fine now. Granny's still got a hook or two in you, but all this cooking stuff. But uh, you have a lot of leftovers from other stuff in there, boss. You've been taken for a ride for awhile it looks like.
You really just noticed the dragon thing?"

[Keeper]

Over the Mountains...

Rowan can't expect a rat to help sweeping. Especially without a rat-sized broom. "You can call me Rowan. Now that we're bound I can use my real name. If you really want to be called Ratticus that's fine with me." Ratticus definitely will not call him that. Though it is true- as they are bound they get perks! Like Rowan can give out his name and say thanks and sorry without being bound by normal fey rules to his familiar. And his familiar can safely eat anything Rowan bakes even if rats normally can't digest it.
"I was definitely human an hour and a half ago. Then I grew a tail, and Granny told me that it was inevitable and I should just get over it. Somehow the rest filled in while I was making the stuff for you." How would he have known that having "Scaly Bakery Fanatic" added to his being on a cosmic level would result in all this?
"What do you mean, leftovers? I only just met Granny last week. I mean, there's Frank who's got his own stuff going on." Does he mean the leftovers of Granny's twelve person breakfast? Gods, that's just a regular breakfast for him now isn't it?

[DeBunny]

[Over the Mountains...]

"Never really understood why mortals like parading their names everywhere like that. Ratticus is fine."
Sure, maybe he can't completely ruin Rowan's life with his name now, but it's still a weird risk to take anyway.

The notepad comes out again and some more notes are scrawled in a 100% illegible mess, while Rowan talks.
"Well, boss, it doesn't take much time for a fairy to completely mess up your head. Week's plenty of time. And uh, Granny Elkthorn's pretty up there. Really screwed the pooch, so to speak, by getting anywhere near that situation.
Bet she did some weird food dish ritual on you pretty quick and you didn't know what the heck was going on since, huh? All felt like a bit of a blur of life?
Probably was pretty inevitable you were gonna get here, if you let her get a hook on ya."

Ratticus pretty clearly shivers, realizing that now he is also party to that same hook.
"Well. Good news is that she probably won't eat you. Normal life's toast forever, though, boss."

[Keeper]

Over the Mountains...

"Everyone else knows my name so you were going to find out anyway. Come on."
Rowan sighs and starts locking up. It's a decent walk back to the apartment and they better get started. He tries not to think about his new gait too much.
"Also she went out of her way to kidnap me and keep me and Frank there until I agreed to the thing. I wasn't in my right mind but honestly even if I knew the rules, I don't think she'd have let me get away if I tried.

So that's it? She makes people eat fancy pies and then they end up slightly confused family-friendly kitchen critters?"
Rowan looks down at himself, remembering he's mostly naked. Yup, family-friendly dragon.
Or is Ratticus saying it's just a food thing in general? Like someone else got to be the Spitroast Dragon with all sorts of cool fire things going on and he just got stuck as the dopey pie dragon?
...mmm, pie-no! bad fairy-brain! Don't think about pies!
There's no way all those brownies are making it back to the apartment.

[Gullara]

[Swamp Searching]

"Just let me-" The person that sounds so much Ana reaches out, seemingly moving towards the tooth, but pauses the moment Reilana calls out the name.

She suddenly spins around, impossibly fast. Like how an insect could go from sitting still to being on your foot in the blink of an eye. At which point Reilana will notice something concerning. Since while the girl looks and dresses exactly like Ana her mouth, and much of her clothes, are covered in mostly dried up blood.

"-me." She repeats herself and then Reilana, her voice sounding eerily similar even while she still could recognize it as Ana's. "Ana?" 'Ana's' eyes search around and quickly seems to find the source of the sound. "Me."

Then she smiles at Reilana. Her mouth becoming just a bit too wide than should be physically possible.
Pancake can see death spirits dance around her like flies, though even they seem cautious. As if afraid that she would suddenly swat them away at a moment's notice.

[Swamp Searching]

"Yeah okay, I didn't think so." Reilana says with a perturbed look. Creepy weirdo it is. "So are you going to explain why you're wearing Ana's face or do I just assume this is some kind of creeper situation?" Admittedly how fast she moved it a bit... alarming, but she's got to play this cool right now.

[Shadowcaller]

[Swamp Searching]

Not-Ana tilts her head and then several things happens at once.

Before Reilana has even realized it the girl has stepped forward, way forward, and would likely have been right on her if her feet hadn't suddenly sunken into the earth underneath her.

Then a pair of oddly familiar jaws closes around her foot, causing her to to shriek.
It might take a moment to realize but this is a much larger version of the serpent she saw earlier.

[DeBunny]

[Over the Mountains...]

Ratticus is absolutely not walking the trip back. He is immediately hitching a ride in one of the apron pockets.
One of them is even suspiciously perfectly sized for him to sit and poke his head out.

"Eh, she was just applying some real hard pressure. She can't make you do stuff until you mess up. Which I'm gonna guess you did immediately. Did that Frank guy? I didn't see him in the kitchen."
Somewhere else, Frank feels a shiver of dread, as an alternate reality is considered.

"Anyway, this whole dragon cook thing is probably some big plot that's gonna put you in a lot of harm's way.
Or she just thought it would be funny. Who can say?"

[Keeper]

Over the Mountains...

Frank surely would have made an absolutely adorable kobold assistant. "Frank jumped out a window into an endless void and managed to not die. She said my first task would just be making food for some 'guests' of hers, which sounds innocuous enough assuming it isn't poison or throwing me into fey politics." Granny is probably not dumb enough to throw Rowan into fey politics.
Rowan turns to look at themselves in the reflection of the store's window as he passes. He shudders.
"So that's it- There's no hope of getting out of it? This is just what we are and we have to just...own it?"
I'm not sure how I feel about not wearing pants."
Considering who he's talking to, he's probably not going to get a helpful answer.

[DeBunny]

[Over the Mountains...]

"Hah! You should have jumped out the window with him, dummy."
Shame Rowan was already pretty mind-whammied by that point.
"Hmm, but a political pawn would be an interesting choice. You're pretty clearly not smart enough to be a conniving threat, other fairies would probably completely overlook you."

Yeah that's more insult than back-handed compliment.
"And that's not true! There's totally a way out of this whole thing, boss.
You could die!"

[Keeper]

Over the Mountains...

"Couldn't." Rowan answers without elaborating. "And I feel like that's only going to work one time. Once fey know Granny's got an overstuffed lizard for a minion who isn't dead yet I'm not going to be able to pull off the con. Not to mention that Granny probably wouldn't have made me this if she felt I was going to be subtle."
He groans, throwing his claws in the air.
"I'm stupid, not suicidal. I'm not offing myself when I still have things to do. Plus it would strand you here as a rat and who else is going to take care of you and ask so little in return?"
Rowan reaches down to scratch Ratticus' chin in the most mocking but completely genuine way possible.

[DeBunny]

[Over the Mountains...]

"Well, she probably didn't completely personalize your look, boss. Most of that would be up to you and luck. Maybe she hoped for a sneakier bod."
He looks a little smug about that, or maybe it's just the next part.
"And as soon as you're gone, my deal is gone, and I'm outta here. So you don't have to worry about that- hey stop it!"
The smugness dies with him flailing at Rowan's claws to get them to go away.

He secretly enjoyed the experience though.

[Keeper]

Over the Mountains…

Rowan’s performance at breakfast did prove he was a naturally gluttonous person. It is likely this trait, along with his choice of pie, that caused the baker image Granny shoved into him to morph into this particular stereotype.
”But how can I? You’re just the absolute cutest. If I’m supposed to accept the new me, you do too. How’s that for a deal?”
He takes a brownie out of the bag and breaks off a corner for Ratticus.
”Late night snack?”

[Gullara]

[Swamp Searching]

Not-Ana tilts her head and then several things happens at once.

Before Reilana has even realized it the girl has stepped forward, way forward, and would likely have been right on her if her feet hadn't suddenly sunken into the earth underneath her.

Then a pair of oddly familiar jaws closes around her foot, causing her to to shriek.
It might take a moment to realize but this is a much larger version of the serpent she saw earlier.

[Swamp Searching]

Reilana takes a startled step back. Okay, this might have been a mistake. She only takes the briefest moment contemplating that, though, as she sees an opportunity.

Let those two things mess around with fighting each other. She runs a wide circle around the altercation and goes to snatch up what's presumably the item she came for. Normally she's do so more cautiously, but given the circumstances...

[Shadowcaller]

[Swamp Searching]

Not-Ana wails like a banshee, sounding more like a wounded mountain lion than a person, as her nails turn into claws and she slashes at the creature enveloping her foot.

More than that Reilana doesn't care to see as she starts running in a half-circle around which suddenly seems to have turned into a fight of life and death.

As she gets closer to the tooth Reilana will notice a few additional details.
First, the soft ground around it has turned into mud as it appears like Not-Ana has been circling around it for gods knows how long judging by the now familiar footprints. Therefore, it will probably slow down her pace. It's not unfeasible that she could jump across the mud but then she needs to consider her landing. The tooth is laying near a big rock and that probably wouldn't be comfortable to land on.

Secondly, besides the long strands of purple hair laying near the tooth there are also black feathers the length of Reilana's own arm and are simply too big to fit on any bird she'd known. The death spirits have been drawn to these much like the purple hair and would probably attempt to carry them away if they could interact with physical objects to any degree.

[Gullara]

[Swamp Searching]

The young necromancer flings herself over the mud and steadies herself against the big rock. She's going to have to walk back through it, but it cuts down the time. Once before the tooth Reilana is staying focused. Hair and feathers are secondary, and she doesn't have time for secondary. She reaches down to grab the tooth, stow it in a bag on her hip, then it's time to move. She turns to go back the way she came, trudging through the mud and then retracing her steps back to the stream as quickly as she can.

[Shadowcaller]

[Swamp Searching]

While her big boots aren't ideal for jumping they are pretty good for landing as she absorbs the force of her own jump against the rock.

Reaching out to touch the tooth she can feel what could be best described as a magnetic pull even through her gloves. It feels as if her hand is involuntarily closing around the tooth tighter than she might be comfortable with. Reilana will even have a hard time putting it away in the bag but with a effort of will she has stashed it away though can still feel a slight pull as if the tooth had started to push against her back the moment she stowed it away.

But such feelings aside she turns to go back the way she came and is greeted by a grim sight.

Not-Ana had almost managed to get away and is laying splayed in the mud she just leaped across. Laying just within her line of sight. However, the serpent has, despite suffering grievous injuries, started to swallow her down. Feet first.
It has chewed on her repeatedly as is evidenced by the many bite marks her now torn clothing and marred skin has sustained. It's eerily human-like teeth probably making the process slower than it has any right to be.

Yet even as Reilana turns to run away from this grotesque sight she still caught a sight of what seemed like Not-Ana smiling despite being eaten alive.

[DeBunny]

[Over the Mountains...]

"I'm perfectly capable of accepting that I'm an adorable rat without you literally rubbing it in!"
The irritated look on its furry face is a bit undercut when it takes the brownie from Rowan and shoves it into its mouth.
"Terrible breakfast, if I had to worry about getting fat.

Hrm. Tell me more about the other guy Granny tried to con. There's probably a reason for him."

[Keeper]

Over the Mountains...

"Breakfast? It's like, 8pm. And are you SURE you don't get fat?" Rowan almost takes that as a challenge, given that Ratticus has already spent most of their relationship calling out Rowan's girth. Though the idea of both of them being able to eat whatever they want is honestly appealing.
"Frank? He's... a pretty normal looking human guy. Been my friend for ages but otherwise I can't think of why Granny would want him. He's got this weird curse? thing going on where stuff just shows up next to him every morning and then something bad happens. I can't imagine anyone like Granny would want to use him for anything with that going on. It's practically a miracle he's lived this long."
Rowan sighs. He's spent a year at this point convinced one day Frank's just not going to come home. He's never been around for any of his Episodes before Granny's house but they don't sound fun.

[Meowmai]

[Feline Family Friction]

Blanche tilts her head. "...Yeah, he's my-" And then everything clicks. Bright bubblegum-pink eyes, just like hers. Feline features, just like hers. Her whole face turns pale and she runs a hand through her hair. "Oh gods. You're my half-sister, aren't you?"

The realization seems to take a bit out of Blanche and she turns, as if processing a lot, before asking, "What's your name, kid? Did he even stick around for you?" And then after a moment, "Shit, did I even give you mine?"

[Feline Family Friction]

Similarly, Elizabeth lets out a full-body sigh, placing her head in her hands. "Yeah." She confirms with some reluctance.

"No, no, you haven't. Mine's Ecli-" She paused, and sighs again. Was there any point in a fake name at this point? "It's Elizabeth. And yeah, he did. I... take it that he didn't for you." The particular Reinholdt clone who was Elizabeth's dad had gone into hiding and accidentally ended up having a family along the way.

[Arkhosia]

[Feline Family Friction]

Similarly, Elizabeth lets out a full-body sigh, placing her head in her hands. "Yeah." She confirms with some reluctance.

"No, no, you haven't. Mine's Ecli-" She paused, and sighs again. Was there any point in a fake name at this point? "It's Elizabeth. And yeah, he did. I... take it that he didn't for you." The particular Reinholdt clone who was Elizabeth's dad had gone into hiding and accidentally ended up having a family along the way.

[Feline Family Friction]

"Blanche. And no, he didn't." There's a brief, awkward pause as she regards the younger woman. "Sorry, I've... never really met one of my siblings before. Knew they were out there, just - er, look, we should talk about this later. Once we've put a stop to all this." And there's a look in Blanche's eyes at Liz when she gestures to the screen in front of her. In that moment, she doesn't seem the sharp and jagged woman who barged in here, but a ghost of someone tired and lonely, reaching timidly for connection with nary a clue on how to go about it.

[Meowmai]

[Feline Family Friction]

"Neither have I. This is... not exactly how I planned a first meeting would go." It was an awkward first encounter for the both of them. Blanche, as much as she hated to admit it, was right though. She should get working.

And so she did. Say what you will about the criminal catgirl, but she knew what she was doing with computers. It didn't take her long to regain access. Things flashed by on the screen as she sifted through files and documents, most of it probably useless. She saved a few things and deleted a few others, not saying anything- Blanche might not even notice- but then she stopped, drawing up a timetable and leaning in closer.

"There! Some stuff's missing, I... think the fight did a number on these servers. But look. In a couple weeks he's doing a private presentation then a public announcement in Inside. This is just a hunch but... if anyone wanted to go after him, I would guess it would be then. I can try fake a cancellation message, and clear out the rest of his schedule while I'm at it, but... I don't know if that will be enough.". She looked at Blanche, hoping she had any ideas of her own.

[DeBunny]

[Over the Mountains...]

Ratticus gives a vigorous, thoughtful chin rubbing as he considers the given information.
And chews on brownie.
"Sounds like a terrible guy to live with. If he's that big of a trouble magnet, you should probably avoid him.

Or not. Again, if you die, I'm free. But, you know, just my sound tactical advice boss."

[Keeper]

Over the Mountains...

"Yeah, well. Clearly I'm a trouble magnet too, now." Rowan irritably flaps his wings.
"Friends don't abandon friends just because their lives end up weird. Maybe Frank just has some grand thing he needs to achieve and then his curse stops. You'll meet him in a minute anyway. That's the building."
Rowan points to the apartment building. It is decidedly low-budget though at least not ramshackle or dirty.
It is also, thankfully, the type with doors leading directly outside rather than forcing Rowan to go through a lobby to get there. Rowan fishes his keys out of his apron pockets...

[DeBunny]

[Over the Mountains...]

"Oh no, you're poor."
Ratticus is very clearly distressed by the immediate view of the apartment building.
"We definitely have to fix this. How could Granny let her minions live in squalor like this?"

He clearly has a higher standard of living expectation.

Inside the apartment, a fire alarm goes off and Frank can be heard loudly cursing.

[Keeper]

Over the Mountains...

"Well that's why I have a job at a ritzy dragon bakery! It pays way better than my internship did. If Frank can hold a job for a few months we'll be out of this dump in no time."

Hopefully Frank does not have a panic attack as a massive blue shape begins trying to squeeze through his front door.
"Fraaank did you manage to burn toaster-oven food again? Also it's me I'm a dragon now. Didn't I tell you to stop putting regular food on toast setting?" Really it's a wonder Rowan didn't get a cooking job sooner given that he's had to make most of their food. Frank is hopeless.

Rowan mentally swears several times as he attempts to get past the door frame, praying to any god that will listen to not have him experience a Pooh-bear moment after being a dragon for two hours. Blessedly, the doorframe releases his hips after some effort. Though he has to ignore the absolutely unrealistic pop! that goes along with it.

[bc56]

Fetchquest
Mary is all for smashing the place up, but...
"Are you sure about this?" Unambiguously positive prophecies tend to be either false or misinterpreted. "Feels like we might be overlooking something but alright." She surreptitiously points at the nearest flammable object and magically sets it ablaze. That should be a good distraction to start out.